Why Mindfulness
March 26, 2020
Have you ever heard of “mindfulness”? Mindfulness is a state of active open attention on the present and not judging it. Thoughts and feelings are observed from a distance without judging them as good or bad. You may want to say, “wait a minute, how do you do that?” Well, it requires staying in the moment, not thinking about what you’re going to have for dinner tonight or how you should not have said what you said to your boss yesterday. It’s being in the present, focusing on yourself and the world around you in a non-judgmental manner. Mindfulness is not meditation, although you can use meditation to get to the state of Mindfulness. There are many benefits to Mindfulness.
Here are ten reasons to practice Mindfulness:
1.It benefits our bodies—According to a seminal study published by the National Institute of Health in 2003, after eight (8) weeks of training and practicing mindfulness meditation, it boosts the immune system’s ability to fight off illness.
2.Our minds will benefit—Several studies have indicated that Mindfulness increases positive emotions and reduces negative feelings. Mindfulness may be an excellent anti-depressant to fight depression.
3.Mindfulness helps us focus—The practice of Mindfulness helps tune out distractions and improves memory and attention skills.
4.Mindfulness helps improve relationships—Research suggests Mindfulness training makes couples more satisfied with their relationship. It also makes each partner feel more optimistic, relaxed, and makes the couples feel more accepting and closer to each other.
5.Mindfulness is helpful for parents-to-be—Studies have suggested that it may reduce pregnancy-related anxiety, stress, and depression in expectant parents.
6.Mindfulness helps parents—It has been shown that parents who practice mindfulness report being happier with their parenting skills and relationship with their children. Also, their children were found to have better social skills.
7.Mindfulness helps schools—There is scientific evidence that teaching mindfulness in the classroom reduces behavior problems and aggressiveness among students. It improves their happiness levels and ability to pay attention.
8.Mindfulness is helpful to healthcare professionals—It helps them cope with stress, connect with their patients, and improve their general quality of life.
9.Mindfulness helps veterans—Studies suggest it can reduce the symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).
10.Mindfulness fights obesity—Practicing “mindful eating” encourages healthier eating habits, helps people lose weight, and help them savor the food that they eat.
The benefits of Mindfulness are numerous. It gives you the ability to take control of your mind, live in the present, and accept your reality without judging it or overthinking it.
What will happen after the storm of the coronavirus COVID-19?
March 20, 2020
We are living in extraordinary times. Currently, the world’s attention is on COVID-19. Some are terrified and living in fear. They are afraid of contracting the coronavirus or are concern about the health consequences of COVID-19. Some are worried that the officials are not telling the population all that they need to know about COVID-19.
Additionally, some believe that COVID-19 will lead to the end of the world. However, some have managed to keep calm and find some comfort in their faith or other means. With so much going on, naturally, people are trying to find ways to cope with the current situation. Some leaders are giving great advice and encouraging people to take this opportunity to spend time with their family and appreciate the moments they have with their loved ones. It is behooving to get swept by the moment and pay attention to the inconveniences of COVID-19.
2005 had a very active hurricane season; several horrible storms hit Florida. I remember one storm in particular, Wilma. We had our neighbor’s tree fall on our house and knocked off part of our roof. The storm raged on for hours during the night. Throughout the night, we heard the howling of the wind and the constant banging of tree limbs on the hurricane shutters. Our children were very young at the time, so we worked to keep them calm. I remember praying for morning to come and the storm to end.
This current coronavirus situation reminds me so much of that moment in 2005. The storm was terrifying, but most of the challenges came after the storm. We were dealing with the consequences of the hurricane several months after the storm. We lost our electricity for about four weeks; there were fallen trees on the road, making it difficult to travel, inability to find a gas station to purchase fuel, empty shelves at the grocery store, and so on. There was some news coverage right after the storm; then, the world moved on while we continued to deal with the aftermath.
I can’t help but wonder, “how will people cope with the aftermath of the coronavirus”? Right now, some may be getting paid leave from their employer, but many are losing income because of the current circumstances. Some are happy that they get to take a break while others are worried about the pile of work they will return to when this is over. Some know that they will return to “normal” to cope with the aftermath while the world moves to the next thing.
Here are some tips to help with coping with the aftermath of the coronavirus storm
1.Let go—after a storm, you quickly learn that life is no longer “business as usual.” You may need to start making some adjustments. Things may not go as you would want, and you have to let go of some of your expectations and make some adjustments.
2.Ordinary is significant—during this season, you need to be thankful for the small achievements and the small wins and not be disappointed you are not accomplishing the hefty objectives.
3.Offer a hand to someone in need—an act of kindness can be very uplifting to the spirit and will help us feel good about ourselves.
4.Pray and meditate—prayer and meditation allow the opportunity to take a break from the rigor of life and connect with our creator to recharge.
5.Stand firm—you will make it, you made it through the storm, you are a survivor. You can do it.
Celebrating Womanhood
March 9, 2020
In celebration of women all over the world, enjoy this excerpt from my book, Unmasking The Married Single Mom. Don’t ever let anything get in the way of your dream.
These are the common culprits going after your dreams:
●Fear will often hold us back from going after our dreams. Fear can paralyze us and prevent us from taking actions. We make excuses as to the reasons we cannot do this or that. We are afraid of failing, and sometimes we are even scared of succeeding.
●Opinions of other people can hold us hostage to the point where we do not go and live our purpose. We listen to what other people have to say instead of striving to elevate. We allow people to place their limitations on us. Maybe we shared our vision, and those around us have a different perspective, or they have little faith in us. They may think our dreams are too big, or we are unrealistic. Maybe we look at the failures of people we know and compare ourselves to them. We look at their failures and see ourselves through their failures. We think if they can’t do it, neither can we.
●Obstacles, “If at first, you don’t succeed, try and try again” is something that you may have heard before. Sometimes we encounter so many challenges we give up. We don’t feel we have the energy or the strength to continue. We may even start to believe that it is not worth the effort. Sometimes people will think that because there are so many barriers, it must be the universe saying accept the current situation.
●Doubts have us thinking we don’t have the qualifications, or our dreams are too big. We start aligning with the limitations and restrictions we have placed on ourselves. We do not believe that we can surpass those limitations.
The only way to overcome the effect of bad FOOD on our dreams is to get in the right mindset. Our minds will create these thoughts, which lead to our feelings and emotions. These emotions will ultimately determine our action. I tell my children quite frequently, “Your mind is a powerful thing; think positively.” Our thoughts will determine what we become. We need to fill our minds with good and hopeful thoughts to avoid the effect of bad FOOD on our dreams. Those of us who believe in the word of God can hold on to the truth from Philippians 4: 8.
Finally, my friends, keep your minds on whatever is true, pure, right, holy, friendly, and proper. Don't ever stop thinking about what is truly worthwhile and worthy of praise.
-Philippians 4:8 (CEV)
We do not want to live our lives in fear. The spirit that God gave us is not a spirit of fear, but He gave us power according to 2 Timothy 1:8. We are created to do great and significant things, and fear will only hold us back from accomplishing our mission. Ephesians 2:10 reminds us of this.
For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.
-Ephesians 2:10 (NLT)
We also need the right people in your circle. I shared my plan about the book with a couple of my close friends. One of those friends I wanted her to be my accountability partner. I wanted to make sure that I had someone in my life that would hold me responsible for the commitment that I made to write the book. She is there to help me stay on track. Many times, we create plans, but we fall off track because we do not have anyone to compel us to remain loyal to our commitment. It is not that I did not want to write the book. Sometimes we need to have people in our lives to challenge us and who can help to keep our focus and stay bound to our goals.
The Power of Your Thoughts
March 3, 2020
Our mind is quite impressive. Our mind is responsible for our thoughts. These thoughts affect our feelings. However, our thoughts are not always aligned with reality and can be distorted. If we wake up in the morning and our mind tells us that we are in a bad mood and people are aggravating, guess what will happen? We will be in a horrible mood all day, and people will annoy the heck out of us. Our emotions and disposition are closely connected to our thoughts, so if our mind is telling us that things are horrible, or we have these ANTs, then we will feel miserable. Unfortunately, some of us don’t realize we have these ANTs that are ruling our lives. If we do not manage these ANTs, they will take over, and make our lives miserable. The ANTs that I am referring to are our Automatic Negative Thoughts. These thoughts keep coming and they are often self-fulfilling. The same holds for the contrary, hopeful, positive thoughts lead to contentment and being more effective in your day-to-day life.
It is imperative to recognize these ANTs and to know some common ANTs.
1.Filtering. You focus on the negative details while ignoring all the positive aspects of a situation.
2.Polarized Thinking. Things are black or white, good or bad. You have to be perfect, or you’re a failure. There’s no middle ground, no room for mistakes.
3.Overgeneralization. You reach a general conclusion based on a single incident or piece of evidence. You exaggerate the frequency of problems and use negative global labels.
4.Mind Reading. Without their saying so, you believe you know what people are feeling and why they act the way they do. You are convinced that you have a certain knowledge of how people think and feel about you.
5.Catastrophizing. You expect, even visualize disaster. You notice or hear about a problem and start asking, “what if?” What if tragedy strikes? What if it happens to you?
6.Magnifying. You exaggerate the degree or intensity of a problem. You turn up the volume on any difficulty, making it loud, large, and overwhelming.
7.Personalization. You assume that everything people do or say is some reaction to you. You also compare yourself to others, trying to determine who is smarter, more competent, better looking, and so on.
8.Shoulds. You have a list of ironclad rules about how you and other people should act. People who break the rules anger you, and you feel guilty when you violate these rules.
Recognizing these ANTs is excellent, but you must also learn how to DEAL with the ANTs.
1.Determine the evidence for the thoughts. You can ask yourself, do you have enough evidence to support your thought? Is there evidence of the contrary? Are you interpreting the situation without all the evidence?
2.Explore the situation. How do you feel when you have these thoughts? What do you do in response to these feelings? How does your behavior affect your relationships?
3.Alternative views should also be explored. Could someone else see this situation from a different perspective? Is there a positive way of viewing this situation?
4.Look to the future. How can your thought affect your future? Will the situation matter a week from now? How about a year or five years?
The next time you notice ANTs crawling in your mind, DEAL with them.
What to do with Fear
What to do with Fear
February 24, 2020
We have all experienced fear at some point in our life. Fear is a natural human emotion. According to dictionary.com, fear is defined as a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined. I find this definition to be interesting because it mentions the fact that we can have a fear base on a threat that is evident or manufactured by our mind. Therefore, fear is a result of our perception and we can experience hurt and despair from something we invented in our mind. Often, our perspective is distorted. First, we want to conduct a self-check to evaluate the source of our fear. Is the fear based on a real threat or a fabrication? Secondly, we must consider what our response should be to fear? Our fear can lead to acute stress which can cause us to fight, flight or freeze. We need to respond to fear in practical terms. Finally, we need to consider what our greatest fears are and ways to dominate them?
Our thoughts and perception shape our emotions. Our thoughts come from our core beliefs. Our core beliefs are how we see ourselves, other people, the world, and the future. Our temperament, life experiences, and interaction with the world can all shape our core beliefs. These beliefs determine how we see the world and interpret our circumstances. At times these core beliefs are twisted and destructive causing us much distress. They must be challenged and replaced with more congruent beliefs. We can experience fear from the idea that we are incapable of handling a situation; it is more powerful than we are. Or we can think that the predicament is overwhelming, and we do not have what it takes to be successful, or we don’t know how to keep ourselves from harm's way. No matter what our thoughts are telling us, if we have faith, we can stare at fear in the face knowing that things will work out.
Fear can overpower us to the point where we cannot make rational decisions, or we do not make any decision at all. We respond base on our emotions and not logic. When we are fearful, we need to recognize and identify the feeling, deal with the symptoms, and have faith. Faith is the opposite of fear. Faith is complete trust and confidence in a person, thing or concept. With fear, you have the uncertainty of the unknown which leads to the uneasy feeling we get. Faith in God tells us to be confident that God has equipped us with all that we need to overcome our challenges. Faith tells us that God will take care of us and no harm can overtake us. Faith tells us the God of the universe, the creator of the heavens and earth is on our side and we have nothing to fear.
We need to be real and admit we have fears. When we recognize our fears, we can explore the source of our fear, challenge those fears, dominate them. Having fears is not a weakness. Nelson Mandela said, “courage is not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it.” Mark Twain said, “courage is the resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not the absence of fear.”
We All Need HOPE
We All Need HOPE
February 18, 2020
As a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, my work has been devoted to helping people find HOPE. I genuinely believe that people can live fulfilled lives no matter the circumstances as long as they have HOPE.
My story began as a little girl who grew up in an impoverished country and did not get to meet her biological mother until the age of 10 years old. I remember finding and holding on to HOPE even as a little girl. That HOPE helped me to accept my situation, live life, appreciate what I had, endure hardships, and believe that my current struggles were temporary. It is my experiences that have lead me to my career choice as a therapist.
I have been providing people with individual, family, and group counseling for many years. In counseling, people have to feel comfortable to know that they can be themselves to open up and share their inner thoughts and feelings. I believe in a counseling environment where individuals don’t feel they are being judged, and they are free to be themselves. Often, people come to counseling vulnerable, seeking guidance, and looking to find HOPE.
In my years of counseling, I’ve come to realize that emotional, physical, and financial health are interconnected. I’ve seen so many people struggle with depression and anxiety because of lack of adequate financial means. When people stress about money, they can develop emotional and physical problems. Stress is often referred to as a silent killer. People often need to find HOPE. My work entails helping others find HOPE. Finding HOPE is crucial; it’s the beginning of the journey. It’s just as imperative to help people find solutions to their problems! However, it is impossible to get to a settlement with no HOPE.
I am looking for people who would like to partner with me to bring HOPE to those that have lost hope. We are raising funds for a new project, the Oasis Hub Clubhouse.
A clubhouse is, first and foremost, a local community center that offers people HOPE and opportunities to achieve their full potential. Much more than merely a program or a social service, a clubhouse is a community of people who are working together to achieve a common goal. It’s a safe place where people can interact, learn, and grow together.
The Oasis Hub is organized to support individuals. During their participation in the clubhouse, members gain access to friendships, information, and resources. The Hub provides a therapeutic environment for people whose lives have been disrupted because of loss, pain, fear, or a lack of resources.
Donations can be made online at www.VDRaction.org.